


i’m on an island, no one to confide (i'll seat here 'til i found the problem)

by starrylance



Series: who's gonna mend these white fences [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, I'm Sorry, Insomnia, Loneliness, Maybe - Freeform, No Spoilers, References to Depression, Sad, an hint of dissociation at the end, i love kageyama please give him hugs and milk, not really a happy ending but not a bad too?, something like that, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23461183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylance/pseuds/starrylance
Summary: Kitagawa Daiichi was supposed to replace his loneliness with something more.But it didn’t, and soon it had become his worst nightmare.or, Kageyama can't sleep even though he totally should, but can we blame him?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio - implied, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club, implied
Series: who's gonna mend these white fences [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690366
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	i’m on an island, no one to confide (i'll seat here 'til i found the problem)

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't expect this to turn up so short, but since I want to make it a serie I'm not completely disappointed.
> 
> It's kind of a vent fic, so I didn't have high expectation for this. Also I haven't written in ages (and it shows lol) so please be gentle, I am a crybaby. 
> 
> I love Kags and I'm sorry for hurting him TT TT

It was so quiet.

  


His body felt heavy, dragged down by the practice match they had had that day. He could already feel his side starting to bruise up, painting his skin in purple and yellow – he had spent hours digging and digging, saving the ball before it was too late, using all his energy, as if it had been a real match, as if there were no more tries.

  


_The others have done it too, so why are you the only one complaining?_

He closed his eyes.

  


The bed was soft and smelt like clean laundry, yet the blankets itched on his skin, and Kageyama found hard to breath under the two layers of cloth, which were pressing his chest until air fatigued to pass through his sore throat and arrive to his tired lungs. He should just take them off, push them away. It was a half-second movement. Easy as blinking.

  


Kageyama didn’t move.

  


He was tired and it was late. The shadows had covered every inch of the too big room, leaving no place for light, and the blinds were shut, preventing the soft glow of the streetlights from entering. Kageyama was left alone in the darkness of the night.

  


He was supposed to be asleep. He had a test at school the next day, after all, and while he didn’t care that much about the grade, he still needed to pass to keep playing volleyball. Daichi and Sugawara had been careful to remind him to get a 60%, least to repeat what had happened a while ago, when he had to take an exam at the last second to be able to participate at the training camp. He knew that if didn’t sleep, he would feel too exhausted to do something decent and his grades would fall.

  


Still, he was awake, his eyes dully staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, an old ache stirring in his chest, a familiar presence he didn’t think he could get rid of even if he truly wanted to. A beast festing on the absence of warmth.

  


Kageyama felt as an empty, used cup, a disposable item that was meant to throw away after the first use. It wasn’t nothing new.

  


He didn’t really know why. He didn’t know how to stop feeling like that. He didn’t know if he wanted to stop feeling like that, either. So, he pushed through. He had volleyball. It was his whole life, his only meaning, what made him feel truly alive. If he could play, he would be, if not happy, content.

  


When he had started playing in Junior High, he had been excited to meet his team. He was in one of the best schools, he was certain that he would meet great players. He had hoped to fill that empty hole that grew bigger day by day near his heart.

  


Kitagawa Daiichi was supposed to replace his _loneliness_ with something more.

  


But it didn’t, and soon it had become his worst nightmare.

  


Now, when he shook during the night, eyes too hollow to really focus on anything, his mind too silent to provide any comfort, his loneliness just grew and grew and grew, until it reached that part of him still sane that told him to _stop being an idiot and just go to sleep, otherwise he would just disappoint his seniors or, even worse, Hinata._

  


With that, with his head alive with thoughts of his team, of Karasuno, of Hinata, he forced his body to disappear, his senses to retreat, and he fell asleep.

  


  


  


  



End file.
